Block 1 of Medical School: Complete

The past six months of medical school has flown by.
Here is the gist of it:

White coat ceremony was surreal.  It was one of the best days to date.  I cried a little because I was so proud of myself.  I just couldn't believe my hard work and crazy life had finally brought me to the place I wanted to be and they were handing me my short white coat.
It was also hard.  It was so hard knowing my mom wouldn't be there.  That after when everyone is looking for their families faces in the crowd that hers wouldn't be there and it wouldn't be there in the hallway after either.

But I am so thankful that my sweet husband's face is always there with a smile, in the crowd, in the hallway, after a long day he's always there.  I honestly don't know if I would have ever had the confidence to do this on my own when there were so many bumps along the way.  A support system is absolutely necessary.

It took a couple weeks to get over the initial shock that I was actually on my way to becoming a doctor.  The deer in headlights in me stuck around for orientation and the first week and a half of school and wore off shortly after the first quizzes when we got back to the thing we've been doing since we were 5 years old- studying and quizzing.

I think its wearing off.  I feel like this is just life now instead of some dream.

I found out I was pregnant days before school started.  So school and baby together has been a complete roller coaster. With only 2 months left until baby things are getting really interesting.


Things I'm struggling with:
-Socially.  All of my classmates are so kind and so loving and they don't do this to boast.  But I do feel socially behind all of them.  They talk about their large institutions, their research, the places around the world they've been and it does make me feel very isolated.  I've been working since I was 15 to make it.

• Education: I didn't have the money or educational background to go to a large, fancy institution coming from a tiny, rural, under served, and lower educated area.  I went where I was offered the most scholarship and grant monies.  And ITS OKAY.  I may have went to a small, regional, university in the South West but I do not feel like my education is lacking in the slightest.  That small university got me a degree, hardly any debt, a lot of one on one attention from amazing professors who have worked at some of the most impressive places, and I am still on par in class with my peers who went to these dream schools.  If you are at a small school, it's okay and it is not a death sentence.
• Research: Small university=small research opportunities.  Also, I never knew how important it was.  I fumbled through this process a lot and wish I would have had anyone say "HEY!  THIS IS IMPORTANT!".  It's important, do it!  Even if it is limited and you don't love sitting at the bench all day at the end of the day this is how so many medical issues are being studied and you need to know and appreciate this.
• Travel: Poor in college regardless that a lot of it I worked full time while going to school full time.  My family doesn't have money.  All my money went to phone bills, car insurance, rent, buying a car when ours died, and all the in between stuff.  I had to adult which took most of money and there just wasn't any left over to do this amazing trips and experience the world.  And its okay- we are all so different and bring so much to the table with our lives.
• Lower class:  I think this is something I will always feel and will struggle with my entire life.  I feel like I will forever be trying not to be the poor lower class girl that I am.  I have a hard time relating to stories of everyone in their family is doctors, having amazing opportunities to shadow world class surgeons that their parents know, medical volunteer work all over the world, and so many other amazing opportunities that I am so envious of.  If this speaks to you- you're not alone.  I'm not alone in my class either, there are a few of us struggling with this and I know we're not alone around the country in feeling like this.

I know it's application season and I do wish you all the best of luck because it's a hard, emotional, and whirlwind of a roller coaster and everyone needs someone to root them on! Not every school will be a fit- always go for the best fit not the best name.  A name is great, but 4 years in a high stress environment might not be the best for your mental health if you're unhappy where you are at.  

You got this!

Block 1 of Medical School: Complete

The past month of medical school has flown by.
Here is the gist of it:

White coat ceremony was surreal.  It was one of the best days to date.  I cried a little because I was so proud of myself.  I just couldn't believe my hard work and crazy life had finally brought me to the place I wanted to be and they were handing me my short white coat.
It was also hard.  It was so hard knowing my mom wouldn't be there.  That after when everyone is looking for their families faces in the crowd that hers wouldn't be there and it wouldn't be there in the hallway after either.

But I am so thankful that my sweet husband's face is always there with a smile, in the crowd, in the hallway, after a long day he's always there.  I honestly don't know if I would have ever had the confidence to do this on my own when there were so many bumps along the way.  A support system is absolutely necessary.

It took a couple weeks to get over the initial shock that I was actually on my way to becoming a doctor.  The deer in headlights in me stuck around for orientation and the first week and a half of school and wore off shortly after the first quizzes when we got back to the thing we've been doing since we were 5 years old- studying and quizzing.

I think its wearing off.  I feel like this is just life now instead of some dream.

We have now had 2 patient encounters.  Which is a doozy in its own that no one ever talks about.  Because it is hard to be yourself, get the information for the grade, connect with the patient, and stay under the time limit.  But having these encounters really does keep into perspective why I'm here.

Yesterday I took my first final in medical school and took a solid B in my first course which I am completely happy with.  I'm really making it a point to keep my mental health and relationships a high priority.  And if that means I miss out on a few points to get a B, I am completely happy with that.


Ways I studied for this block:
-Group study.  I was really hesitant to because in undergrad I felt they were so unproductive.  But guess what?  In medical school, everyone there is ready to put in work so it is productive.  Alot of the group study was talking about topics, asking each other questions or practicing patient encounters on each other.
-Took my time the first time through information instead of just glazing over and thinking I'll go back to it later.

Also here is a secret-  there is a lot of information and it does take up a lot of time BUT it is all topics that you are interested in and it all relates back to clinical relevance so it's not that bad.  You may have spent the entire day studying but its typically things you're interested in so it doesn't feel like you spent the whole day doing something so dull.

Things I'm struggling with:
-Socially.  All of my classmates are so kind and so loving and they don't do this to boast.  But I do feel socially behind all of them.  They talk about their large institutions, their research, the places around the world they've been and it does make me feel very isolated.  I've been working since I was 15 to make it.

• Education: I didn't have the money or educational background to go to a large, fancy institution coming from a tiny, rural, under served, and lower educated area.  I went where I was offered the most scholarship and grant monies.  And ITS OKAY.  I may have went to a small, regional, university in the South West but I do not feel like my education is lacking in the slightest.  That small university got me a degree, hardly any debt, a lot of one on one attention from amazing professors who have worked at some of the most impressive places, and I am still on par in class with my peers who went to these dream schools.  If you are at a small school, it's okay and it is not a death sentence.
• Research: Small university=small research opportunities.  Also, I never knew how important it was.  I fumbled through this process a lot and wish I would have had anyone say "HEY!  THIS IS IMPORTANT!".  It's important, do it!  Even if it is limited and you don't love sitting at the bench all day at the end of the day this is how so many medical issues are being studied and you need to know and appreciate this.
• Travel: Poor in college regardless that a lot of it I worked full time while going to school full time.  My family doesn't have money.  All my money went to phone bills, car insurance, rent, buying a car when ours died, and all the in between stuff.  I had to adult which took most of money and there just wasn't any left over to do this amazing trips and experience the world.  And its okay- we are all so different and bring so much to the table with our lives.
• Lower class:  I think this is something I will always feel and will struggle with my entire life.  I feel like I will forever be trying not to be the poor lower class girl that I am.  I have a hard time relating to stories of everyone in their family is doctors, having amazing opportunities to shadow world class surgeons that their parents know, medical volunteer work all over the world, and so many other amazing opportunities that I am so envious of.  If this speaks to you- you're not alone.  I'm not alone in my class either, there are a few of us struggling with this and I know we're not alone around the country in feeling like this.

I am happy and thankful that my biggest struggle in medical school to date is socially feeling awkward and not the material.  

This is hard to tell the whole world that even after I have this beautiful white coat and wearing my scrubs and official student doctor ID badge that I still feel white trash next to my peers but I would have done anything to talk to anyone in my position on "the other side" when I was a pre-med and honestly doubted if someone like me could ever possible make it into medical school.

I know it's application season and interviews start soon and I do wish you all the best of luck because it's a hard, emotional, and whirlwind of a roller coaster and everyone needs someone to root them on! Not every school will be a fit- always go for the best fit not the best name.  A name is great, but 4 years in a high stress environment might not be the best for your mental health if you're unhappy where you are at.  

You got this!