This introductory post will give some insight into my background, who I am, where I'm from, and where I'm going!
I am from a small underserved town in Arizona. I grew up in a double wide home where we fell below the poverty line and most of my life was raised by a single mother. None of my family (even cousins and distant relatives) had even been to college.
I went to college to become a P.E. teacher (because I also did not think I was very smart- why I thought this I don't know) at a state university paid for through pell grants and academic scholarships. After the department chair pulled me aside and told me I was much too smart to be a PE teacher I switched to Biology Education.
After the second year of college I married my high school sweetheart and very shortly after my mother and cheerleader also passed away 3 weeks before school was to start back up. We were supposed to transfer to an out of state university so my husband could play football but I just couldn't move.
After a semester of grieving and recuperating my mind, while still taking 17 credit hours, I decided I was enough put together to move. We transferred out of state so my husband could accept his football scholarship while I took online classes for a semester. I eventually transferred over to the same university. Here, my education classes would not transfer because my prior Biology Education classes were too specific to transfer into their "secondary education" program and would require me to start from scratch (even though I was now 3 years deep in education classes). I cut my losses and switched my major to Cell and Molecular Biology after meeting with the Advisor of this major. I liked the subject matter better anyway and figured I would figure out what I wanted to do along the way.
At this university I was blessed to serve on the Board of Regents (governing body of the university; in between the Governor and President of the university). Which allowed me to contribute to the university on a greater level than I knew and learned so much about who I am in the process of things.
I excelled in the small classrooms where I could be myself, ask questions, and have my professors know me personally and academically.
I still doubted how smart I was and struggled to find what the heck I was going to do with my life. After my moms passing I knew I wanted to do something in healthcare but I was intimidated by it. You have to be smart, and girls where I am from just don't do things like that.
I wanted more than nursing; I didn't want to be told what to do all the time and not being able to make decisions. I thought maybe a Physician's Assistant would be my calling. The deeper I got into shadowing I knew it wasn't for me; I still wasn't the boss and was still basically not making final decisions. At this point I had already graduated with my Bachelors of Science but C was still finishing his degree and his football career so I had time to play with.
I was able to shadow more and do more networking. I made the decision and began studying for my MCAT about 5 months after graduation even though I had not taken Physics yet. And had missed the deadline to take it for that year so would have to wait another year to take it.
My first round of the MCAT was horrible. I studied so hard by myself for months for nothing.
I was so discouraged and thought maybe this was a mistake and I really wasn't smart enough. I pushed passed that and was lucky enough that my university was to hold a MCAT prep course that summer. You had to apply, write letters, get letters of recommendation, the whole 9 yards. I got in! I had teachers, tools, and tips to do better. I took my MCAT at the end of the summer and disregarded everyones advice to not apply that cycle as it would already be a few months into it. That MCAT was not stellar either- I rocked my Verbal Reasoning, decent Biology, but again horrible Physical Sciences. It was a very mediocre test score. But it was ok, mediocre but better than horrible so I submitted my primary applications at the end of September 2014.
I had not shadowed a DO yet because the town I was living in literally only had 1 DO working at the hospital and the hospitals insurance did not cover students shadowing. The nearest DO was 2 hours away just to shadow. So I used my MD letters of recommendation for everywhere- regardless if the school was DO or MD. All of the DO schools I submitted my application to said no because of that fact.
I received one lonely interview in the 2014 cycle. It was to the University of New Mexico in November. I was so excited!! The day before I left for my interview I was knee deep in snot with the flu. I couldn't remember a time I had been more sick. But I had to go- it was a medical school interview!! This was my shot, my future!! To this day I couldn't honestly tell you if the interview went good or bad because I had flu brain to an extreme. I checked my email obsessively daily awaiting a decision. December went by; no answer. January went by; no answer. February went by; no answer. March went by; and when I had lost all hope I had received an email. I was excited and opened it and was eager to read it. Was I accepted or waitlisted? I read the first line, "Dear Camille, we regret to inform you." That's all I read before my dreams were shattered and I closed out of the email. I was with a friend at the time so I fought back the tears. I had to stay strong because thats what I do. I texted my husband the news about the email and headed home after a while.
When I got home, the moment my eyes met his I broke down. I cried hard. I sat on my husbands lap and cried into his shoulder like a child. I had only felt this kind of sadness once before in my life and that was when my mom died.
I felt like a failure. I had let us down. I wasn't going to medical school- the only thing I had been focused on for months. All that time studying and not going out with friends because I wanted to keep my good grades- and for what?
I didn't know if I could apply again and be rejected again. The pain was too real and hurt too bad to willingly put myself through it again. What if I failed? But what if I succeeded?
March went.
April went.
May came--- my timehop showed me a picture of me starting my applications the year before. This snapped me back into it. What was I doing sitting around being sad?! This was something I could control! This was my life! I certainly have enough to put myself through this again. I couldn't live with the idea of just quitting because I was sad- that was ridiculous! My mom wouldn't have let me give up so easy, so why was I giving up so easy on myself?
I shadowed a DO. Refocused on the schools that were good matches and left off the schools that were bad matches. Met with my advisor to go over every detail of my application.
Submitted my primary applications the very first day it opened. I also applied to all of the fee waivers because I had no family and we were a young, broke couple living off of love and dreams and medical school applications do not accept anything other than the US dollar to pay for it. Thankfully, I was granted full fee waivers to both AMCAS and AACOMAS.
I also applied to a medical school in the Caribbean because I was not going to be caught off guard and having to obsess about back up career plans- i spent hours researching and asking school questions as well as past and present students.
June- I interviewed at the school in the Caribbean and was accepted. A huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. Either way this dream of mine was going to come true. Right then and there I almost said, "This is good enough. I'm in. This process is too long and hard to be told no." And almost didn't want to even try with US schools. My husband encouraged me, "Why not? What's left to lose? You're already in somewhere, if you fill these out you might have an option of where to go to instead." So I completed ever secondary that came my way.
July-Found out I was pregnant! What the heck? In the middle of all of this I was going to be a mom too? If the US schools didn't work out we were supposed to be moving to the Caribbean in 5 months. My husband assured me if anyone could do it all I could. So I pressed on.
August- I interviewed at Burrell College of Osteopathic Medicine (received an acceptance the same day), A.T. Still University School of Osteopathic Medicine in Arizona, and to the University of Arizona in Phoenix. We were also moving back to Arizona the same weekend as 2 of these interviews. My husband moved us so I could go interview. Also I began miscarrying in the middle of all these interviews.
September- Received an acceptance from A.T. Still SOMA!
October- Received a rejection from University of Arizona in Phoenix.
After all the heartache, tears, long hours studying, countless hours writing secondary, the nervous sweats at interviews;I had a choice to 3 different medical school.
My dreams were coming true.
Self doubt is real. And I hate that it almost won multiple times.
I doubted that a girl from my upbringing could be a doctor. But here I come!
